Being Here and Now

It's the middle of the night and I don't know what wakened me. Once awake, I began thinking about all the history that I should be recording and that there isn't time to do it and also have a current life. I visited Mom today, and she didn't know who I was. This is new--she usually knows me. I would say she knew that she knew me--but couldn't recall how. I am upset, and I wasn't ever going to be ready for this. Now I think "why didn't I record her sweet voice when she was able to make more sense?" So--freaked out--that's what I am. She has been baffled with recognizing the grandkids for quite awhile. Were you kids this upset? I don't recall that (because, you know, it's all about me).

I just finished a CD book called "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle--narrated by himself. It was one of those books that is a journey, beginning with me mocking his Arnold Schwarzenegger voice. I reeled at his extreme monotone and his terminology as I listened, but I kept listening. By the end of the book, I was humbled by his understanding of where people are "coming from" in their everyday actions. His instructions for assessing each situation were useful and astute.

What that has to do with Mom: He talks a lot about not living in the past or the future, but rather in the present. This is something I heard so long ago--but I wasn't ready to listen. Today is what I have with Mom, and we did have a nice visit. She's still in there. I just have to look very closely.

Can I go back to sleep now?

Day of Anticipation

We're getting ready to go to the lake today. Don't get extremely jealous, but they're predicting thunderstorms. We love to be at the lake during thunderstorms. It is just incredible.

We just bought a used paddle boat and I'm just excited all in all about every dang thing. I have a few grasses and plants to take along that I got free via Cathy's many gardening connections--and I've been trying to replace window treatments from hell that need attention. So, though I go intending to totally relax, I do have tasks in mind. These are some plants I've never tried before, so I'm eager to see what they do:)

It's an inherited thing. Dad (Chuck) always had a list of things to do--even carried 3x5 cards in his pocket to add ideas as they hit him. I remember coming back from vacation once because Dad planned to paint the porch on his vacation. It's a sickness. I do get stuff done, though.

I saw a wise saying at a garage sale yesterday. It said "Don't confuse having a "to do" list with having a life. I will keep that in mind--after I finish my tasks!

Spring--When the Swallows Return to the Parking Garage

I was aiming to post only every two weeks because, well, I have nothing to say !! BUT, for two months I have been fretting about the fate of my favorite part of spring in Omaha: when the swallows return to the parking garage. The facilities drones had put up soft mesh "screens" around practically every orifice of the garage to keep out the devil swallows that they say build nests on the pipes and corrode them. I say "get more durable pipes!!"

The joyous news is that the swallows don't need all of the orifices, they only needed the entrance that we walk through (can't close that), and they are building their nests like maniacs. Probably a dozen or so, they are too charming chattering away in their tuxedoes and swooping in and out, in and out. The mesh nets are falling into ruins because repairmen are working on the garage and messing up the nets. All that worrying was for nothing. I just couldn't help it, though. They really are my favorite part of spring.

Me Happy

My friend said to me the other day, “don’t you wish you could be a kid again?” It got me thinking that anyone who feels that way was blessed with a happy childhood. Yes, it was great to be the center of the universe for a time. It stirred up all these feelings of gratitude to my parents for struggling to make us feel safe and loved and free, yet somewhat controlled and responsible and connected at the same time.

Then, even without caffeine, my brain continued on this trend thinking about the blessings that came to me when I met Dave, who allowed me to make all my own choices (sometimes I didn’t even want to) and sat back calmly whether I excelled or loafed. It’s called freedom, and even in this land of the free, too many people are oppressed.

This leads to the love our children give back to us. It is beautiful and overwhelming at the same time. It feels a bit like a circle but it is really more like a coil that circles round yet continues on and on. I think that is the happily ever after part.

Sometimes I feel so naïve when I come up with these moments of awareness and then I think I am a dang moron because everyone else realized this stuff at age 20. And that’s what just keeps my life so interesting. Every moment I’m coming closer to catching up with everyone else.

Fever Pace

Work is becoming increasingly crazy with each day as we approach finals week (next week). This is the time when, almost without fail, our copy machine decides to crap out. And that's what happened today, although it is still copying. It just won't staple things until a new part arrives. Now that only means that we have to staple all the final exams MANUALLY, but because I am so very seasoned, I recall when we not only had to staple manually, we also had to collate everything one dang sheet at a time. It's a leap backwards to a slower-paced world. Believe me, I appreciate the superior machines and all the work that they save me, but . . .

It reminds me a little of when the power goes out and everyone sits around the candles for a bit waiting for the power to return. Then the conversations start, and then things get creative and about the time you begin roasting marshmallows over the candles, the lights come on. It's a little disappointing, truly.

I don't expect to get all "into" stapling, but there's probably a mantra for stapling, donchathink?

Lame Ramblings

Yes, this is going to be lame. I am tired and feeling rather boring. I just felt bad about neglecting the blog (like I need something else to tend). Grumble, grumble. And I thought it might get me back in the groove if I just mutter aimlessly here and hope to have something real to say next time. So do any of you kids know why ALL of the keys are sticking on the keyboard. It couldn't have anything to do with all the racket down here one of the nights that Joe visited, could it????

Good news! Just when I feared that we would run out of weddings (there have been about 5 or 6 in the past year that Joe and Rachel came back to attend--one more scheduled in September), I find out that Tony Vaccaro is getting married in November!!! If we can just keep this up, we'll be seeing Joe and Rachel more than if they lived here. :)) Me happy.

Someone tell me how to sign this, please.

Mama

The Henney-mobile

I think that when I was in High School my parents must have stayed home a lot, because I got to drive the family car quite a bit. In fact, I used it so often that my friends called our vehicle the Henney-mobile. I actually think mom and dad were pleased that it got used so often to transport huge numbers of high school buddies around the city of Madison, WI. My friends and I were mostly athletes and cheerleaders, so we would pile in the Henney-mobile and go off to games, meets, matches,... If we were paricipating, of course, we would be bussed by the school, but we also went to other high school's events or events for sports that we weren't involved in.

One of the reasons the Henney-mobile was so popular was that it was a full-size 1965 Dodge van and I could carry a lot of kids. We once got 22 guys and gals into the van on one of our excursions.

You know what, though, there are disadvantages to having a popular vehicle. A small group of us used to do "commando raids." Started off with toilet-papering trees and houses, and then we would get a little more creative. We once saw a friend's little Corvair parked at his girlfriend's house. So, we picked up his car and moved it so the front wheels were resting on his girlfriend's front porch and the car was facing toward the front door. Then we rang the doorbell.

So, the problem was that many people in the neighborhood recognized the Henney-mobile and it was difficult to get away with stealthy exploits while driving the Henney-mobile. We put a cherry-bomb in a kid's mailbox once and blew it up. When we came back around to inspect the damage, the guy and his dad saw us and the kid recognized us immediately. Resulted in a late-night visit from the police department. My dad was of course not happy with my actions, but he also said that I should have known better than to use that van and expect to get away unnoticed.