Being Here and Now

It's the middle of the night and I don't know what wakened me. Once awake, I began thinking about all the history that I should be recording and that there isn't time to do it and also have a current life. I visited Mom today, and she didn't know who I was. This is new--she usually knows me. I would say she knew that she knew me--but couldn't recall how. I am upset, and I wasn't ever going to be ready for this. Now I think "why didn't I record her sweet voice when she was able to make more sense?" So--freaked out--that's what I am. She has been baffled with recognizing the grandkids for quite awhile. Were you kids this upset? I don't recall that (because, you know, it's all about me).

I just finished a CD book called "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle--narrated by himself. It was one of those books that is a journey, beginning with me mocking his Arnold Schwarzenegger voice. I reeled at his extreme monotone and his terminology as I listened, but I kept listening. By the end of the book, I was humbled by his understanding of where people are "coming from" in their everyday actions. His instructions for assessing each situation were useful and astute.

What that has to do with Mom: He talks a lot about not living in the past or the future, but rather in the present. This is something I heard so long ago--but I wasn't ready to listen. Today is what I have with Mom, and we did have a nice visit. She's still in there. I just have to look very closely.

Can I go back to sleep now?